Quiet Noise

The past few weeks I have gotten on here to update my blog and honestly have just felt a loss for words.  A void of words and a lack of anything interesting to share with you.  We have been busy.  Life has happened and continues to, but my words have been few.

I felt a couple of weeks back that I needed to take a break from all things social media.  It was something that was clouding my thoughts and taking up more time than it should in my life. I tried to limit myself to minimal amounts of daily use but that never seemed to be enough.  At the end of the day when the kiddos were in bed and the house was quiet, my mind was still running from all the noise I had allowed in that day.  Noise that was keeping me from being the wife and mother God had called me to be.
Sidenote: This is not a bash to social media.  I have had my fair share of browsing SM in order to scope out the life of someone else and quite frankly enjoyed it...too much...hence why I am writing this post. :)  This is just an area of my life I felt God was leading me to change...for me.  This is about my personal convictions...nothing more...nothing less.

Its amazing how much time I can waste.  Uh hmmm... That's the understatement of the century.  Because quite frankly I am pretty sure I could hold a record in losing time doing things that just hold no value.  Things that at the end of the day, or the end of my life for that matter..simply do not matter.
 I would catch myself getting frustrated at my girls because they needed to have "Patience.  Just have Patience.  Does it look like I am busy?"
Oh, because the pics on Instagram of all these mommas doing fun things with their kids while I sit and snoop into their lives is so much more important.  I end my "browsing session" feeling like half the mom they are because I didn't take my girls to the park to enjoy this glorious weather,  but instead chose to peak in on the lives of others around me while missing out on the life God placed right in front of me. BAM...can I have my face back??
The speck in my own eye.  I struggle to see that...far too often.
Or, how about not making eye contact with Matt while he spoke to me because by golly I can multitask with the best of them...and this text about what Susie (I really don't have a friend named Susie...I mean I could, and If I do I am sorry for not remembering you)  ( I do have a MNL named Sue but that's not who I am talking about) (Whew feel better)  is making for dinner and what all she did today is far more important that looking the love of my life in the eyes while he shared with me about something he felt was important enough to tell the Love of his life.
 
I had lost the ability to quiet my soul to the things around me and soften my mind to the things that really hold my heart.

Noise became my enemy.  Girls you are being too loud.  Matt, why are you talking so loud?  Does the TV have to be THAT loud?  Can we please turn down the radio?  Better yet let's just sit in silence.  Can we just whisper?
My life had been so consumed with noise from the outside, but by filling my life with and my time (both of which I can't get back) with a constant something...I allowed no room in my heart for the investments that really matter.  It wasn't until I took all those things away that I was really able to take in the silence...and enjoy the noise GOD had placed in my life.  Noise from my children laughing and playing together.  Noise from them fighting (yes they do that and yes it is loud).   Noise from a movie with my hubs and the sweet conversation we share together.  Gosh we miss out on so much by neglecting the sweetest gifts God has given us.

I am so thankful for the still small voice of the Lord and His ability to see things for what they really are, and a love that is greater than anything I can fathom.  Because by golly I am a mess of a person.  I mess up more than I care to share and my children and husband have seen sides of me I would never want them to see.  But, I am a real person with real struggles and raw feelings and I never want to portray a different person than the one I truly am.  I gain nothing from that, and neither does anyone else.  I want to be real and true and share from my heart.

  My greatest desire is for my children to live a life that outlives theirs and my hope is that Matt and I are a living example of that in their lives.

Last week I had a friend ask me if I had gotten off SM.  I told her yes and she said she had missed seeing pics of our family.  I told her thank you and she replied with, "It's so quiet without it, isn't it?"  It sure is.  She will never know how much that spoke to me and how the Lord used her in that moment to speak truth over me and affirm what the He was calling me to do.

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you wont need to compare yourself to anyone else.  For we are each responsible for our own conduct. Galations 6:4-5